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43 Game Reviews

11 w/ Responses

ARGHH!!! SLOW!!!

The best analogy I could make is that it's tranquilized pac-man, the kind they let you play at the crazy house. Pastoral sounds, soothing music, rounded corners. It's rare that I'll fall asleep playing a flash game, but this game required surprisingly little of my brain. An synapse here or there to depress the various buttons at appropriate times. This desperately needs a. a radar system and b. faster-paced mindless wandering.

w00t!

Yeah, that was sick! Classic asteroids, the Enterprise, space blastin', that game had alot of what you could ever want in a Flash game. Excellent addition to Newgrounds, especially the innovative circular field. Last boss was a gas even though I would have enjoyed more opportunities to loose some ammo on him and actually get feedback on how much damage I'm doing.

All said and told, that's cold. Quintuple Cold

+~~{(Quintuple Cold Award}>~~+

Good job!

Ahhhh, acid and eggnog!!!

How can something so simple cause so much slow down? I fancy myself having a fairly decent rig, but your Christmas wishes loaded it down like a sack full of wet cats! This is some weird shit and too much for my fragile psyche to be exposed to. I work retail and am subjected to Christmas music and imagery all the way from early November. I don't need melting trees and disembodied phantom cats flying around my brain. Flashbacks are not fun, brother, especially when they're all cranked on nutmeg and 'festive'.

Kyothine responds:

what? come back when your sober, please.

Delicious

Simple and addictive, that's some fine kentucky fried clickin' you got there. It's refreshing to actually use my brain for more than supporting my skull for a change.

Good job, could have used a little music and sfx, but there is always TB2. (?)

(gives pizza trophy)

A fine game, warmed over.

I may be going crazy, but I believe I've played this exact same game before, only with pirates. My memory has failed me before, perhaps I am merely being presumptive. (searches portal)

Ah yes, CANNON BODS!

Cannon Bods did this exact same concept before, but better executed!
That monkey is cool though, I wouldn't mind seeing him in an ORIGINAL title. Newgrounds is in desperate need of some monkey samurai action, there is a niche to be filled.

Good effort. MONKEY SAMURAIS!!!

Balloonistry!

I am ninety-two years old and this game is by no means an accurate representation of amateur balloonanautics!

If the sun ever smiled at me with a Hitler moustache like that, I would swing around and drill the communist hippie who had the arrogance to inject me with LSD right in the kisser. I didn't fight Nazi super-bears for sixteen years with a dull spoon and Glenn Miller ditties so younguns like you could go around falsifying the the perils of modern balloonistry for the new generation.

Amateur balloonology is a pasttime that is lost on the video game generation and it's because of 'games' such as yours that the membership at the AAB meetings is shriviling faster than my prostate!

First of all, the fuel load on a modern aero-oon lasts much longer than you have purported in your Flash gizmo analog! You can fly all the way from Fresno to Toledo on a single gallon of pentane and a dream!

Second, the Sopwith Camel was decommissioned in 1935.

Thirdly, there are no UFOs in our upper atmosphere. If they meant business, they'd have leveled all thirty-eight states by now as opposed to harassing a zeppelette!

Here I was, thinking I had finally found a suitable balloon simulator when suddenly I am accosted by 'power-ups' and wampum arrows! Back in my day, the only 'power-upping' we needed was a shot of tincture and mouthful of bees!

Bees were invented in 1921, the year of the bee steak! They were served primarily at 'McDougals', which would later go on to be called 'Burger King'. I remember the day when you could get ten bees for a penny! We would stop off after school at the bee store and get a knickel worth of bees, which would be fifty. If you bought a dime worth of bees you would get a complimentary shoe shine from the store's shoeman. More often than not, he would have a rag.

After we ate the bees would would swim across Lake Superior to Old Man Aunty Uncle's cabin to try to get some fresh turnip pie. We'd sneak up to the window sill all quiet, but Aunty Uncle would always catch us stealing her pie. He'd say "Broop blorgl broopz plorp grap!", but we alway knew in our heart that she'd much rather us have his pie than serve it to her twenty-eight cats. We'd eat it under the chestnut tree in the valley behind his cabin.

We all loved that pie as turnips were the sweetest fruit available because of the Great War.

After we ate the pie and were full of turnips, we would swim back across Lake Superior in time for Thursday, which was Whipping Day at the old schoolhouse. None of us liked Whipping Day, which is why we hid in the swamp until Sunday, at which point we went to church... to get whipped.

Now that you mention it, we never did have much of a formal education, but boy, did we love bees!

Miluska responds:

lol .. nice review :)

COLD! COLD! COLD! COLD!

Congratulations,

You have earned the esteemeed Quintuple 'Cold' Award for Coldness in a Flash Game. However, you have eponymously destroyed my mouse for a lack of a turbo button. A replacement can be sent to:

1079 Willowbank Trail
Mississauga, Ontario
Canada
L48 3P1

I look forward to your re-mousing promptly.

Psionic3D responds:

I'm not sure if a Quintuple 'Cold' Award is a good thing but thanks, I graciously accept ;-)

Mouse is in the post...

Burninate!

For the simplistic aspects to this game, it also has a certain charm to it. The lightning effects are pretty good, as is the twitching of the various livestock you incinerate. However, what caught my attention most was the fact you are launching death through your middle finger, DEATH BIRD!!! Flip you, Flip Wilson! Burninate!!!

This could do with a major transmission overhaul, the planetary gear is all out of alignment, but like a rusted Impala, this does have promise. Add some metal, ramp up the twitch/explodination and switch up the death sfx and you could have yourself a winner.

I'd love to flip some of that death bird on my way to work tomorrow morning.

Keep Grinding!

Brain hurty!

This game made me use my think thoughts, I haven't many to spare so I don't know how I'll be able to work properly tomorrow. This is a fine addition to this site that I'm on, FreshTurfs? NacentLands? Dammit!

It is nice to play a game that features not only a noticible lack of stick figures and mind-bending gameplay on this site, what ever it may be called. Brain hurty, me drink sleep now. Eat rest, good night. May all your nodes be bendy.

Well optimized, stupid fun!

An excellent use of samples from the original game. Fun, (for the investment of bandwidth) simplistic and satisfying. Like building a bridge, you have accomplished the goal with while staying within the budget. No frills, no upgradable weapons, no gratuitous dog dismemberment, well done. (applauds) The coup de grace would have been the inclusion of the original NES Blaster sfx.

That dog had it coming. F&%king dog.

Canadia, home of the cold, land of the brave. This is the frozen wasteland I call my home, and as such, I seek only the most worthy Flash entertainment to distract me from the tundra. Please unfreeze me, I would also like some beer. Smokes'd be good too.

Age 41, Male

Beer Tester

Humber College

Cold, Canadia

Joined on 11/29/07

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