SteamTusk's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Intecpto]

Good concept, however...

when making a game like this... MAKE SURE YOUR ARROWS ARE STRAIGHT.

/facepalms

Seriously, those cartoon arrows that are maligned AIN'T CUTTING IT and make the game a matter of guessing just how out of calibration they are. Get rid of them and get arrow that are true, otherwise expect to get poor scores from me and everybody else that doesn't appreciate hunting and pecking with bum directions.

3/10 concept
0/10 execution
2/5 (GET NEW ARROWS)

Thundaboom responds:

Ok, I will get new arrows. :D

[Black'n'Orange]

Arghh!!!

I really wanted to beat this, but I couldn't get past level 12 for the permanent kink in my neck and the cheesy porno music.

In the future, no cheesy porn music please.

AwokerR responds:

Sure man.

[BamBlox]

Comparisons

Yeah, it looks like Totem Destroyer, BUT IT'S NOT FUCKING TOTEM DESTROYER! Take all of the block-based physics games and put them side-by-side. THEY ALL LOOK LIKE FUCKING TOTEM DESTROYER.

Anyway, comparisons aside, it's a great game with alot of strategy behind it; careful destruction and quick reflexes when the structure is crumbling. 'Tis a fine game, dammit!

yuniti responds:

Thanks SteamTusk! Amen dude, amen heh.

[Boot Stick Shark]

Twisted.

Definitely unique and befitting for Newgrounds. The difficulty could use some tweeking, but aside from that, damn fine game. Boot Stick Shark is a pimp and needs more exposure. He's a character that'd be on Aqua Teen Hunger Force in an instant.

Applauds.

Teeter-Bird responds:

I'm glad you liked it. I altered the game a little bit and it does seem to be easier now.

[capt. obvious mcs]

Shite.

This is not a game. A game usually entails some sort of objective and consequenses for not reaching said objective. Obstacles of some kind. This, you see, is a Flash animation that you didn't bother to finish so you put the components of it into something that would be better described as a preloader.

And that music! Sweet lord Jebus, is that 'Songs to wear pants to'? Is that what everybody's hyping up? That's fucking awful!

Next time you make a Flash, finish it. This was unacceptable.

flash-moron responds:

you have no life

[3d Dragon Test]

COLD COLD COLD COLD!

Congratulations.

You have won the 'Quadruple Cold Award' for Coldness in a Flash Animation, bestowed only upon those that push the boundries of the medium. Only true innovation is worthy of the highest award the commitee has to offer.

Excellent, even for a test and superior to much of what ends up on the portal. I played around with this for ten minutes, astounding.

5/5 - 10/10

Excellent.

hillnill5 responds:

=D Thanks!!!!!

[TD: Demenius' Darkness.]

Surprising

Damn damn damn damn! This could be a sick, killer game but there are so many problems you have to iron out.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, have that dude wield an axe better, he looks so casual and jaunty just strolling through the blasted hellscape of his mind. Make him bad ass and increase the range on the swing animation, I have no idea the arc starts and ends. The enemies have flavour and style but the protagonist is melba toast bland.

SECOND, add more flavour, backgrounds, foreground textures, varied platforms. This is his subconscious, so the levels should not look so 'Game & Watch'.

THIRD, hit detection. The boss nailed me with three direct eyebeam hits and only one of them registered where as I snuck up on one of those hell seals and died instantly from six feet away. (Why am I transported to the beginning of the level?)

With polish, this could be good. The narrative is suspensful and intriguing, but I hadn't the desire to play very far because of the MAJOR flaws evident.

Put some elbow grease into this sucker and you've got yourself a winner. I really want to see this refined because the fundamentals are there, it just needs tuning.

Great start, follow through.

TheCriminalDuder responds:

Thank you, I'll try my best.

[Bunkaroo Bob v.42]

Sick, with issues.

First off, great job, I like the Mario-esque vibe of it, and the 8-bit music and sfx are awesome but you have to address a few issues before it goes gold.

For one, for a first level, the jumps are way too hard. You want to ease the player into the control scheme and balance challenge with advancement. I have no idea how long a game you want to do here, but if I'm having trouble making past the first stage, I may be inclined to skip the others.

Second, your hit detection with the breakable blocks is way off. They are smashing when I merely wish to use them as a platform. I also experienced this falling THROUGH them.

Lastly, zoom it in a bit. You have pretty good detail on the sprites and could afford a to increase the magnification, it would give it more of an authentic 8-bit vibe.

If this is a beta, and you can iron out some of the little glitches, you could have yourself some featured material here.

Great job!

everyone-dies-alone responds:

Thanks! Yeah I know there are still a lot of issues. The hit area on the breakable blocks was off by a few pixels, I will be fixing that. I appreciate your input!

[Kitty Krew Kristmas Kard]

Ahhhh, acid and eggnog!!!

How can something so simple cause so much slow down? I fancy myself having a fairly decent rig, but your Christmas wishes loaded it down like a sack full of wet cats! This is some weird shit and too much for my fragile psyche to be exposed to. I work retail and am subjected to Christmas music and imagery all the way from early November. I don't need melting trees and disembodied phantom cats flying around my brain. Flashbacks are not fun, brother, especially when they're all cranked on nutmeg and 'festive'.

Kyothine responds:

what? come back when your sober, please.

[Balloon Flight]

Balloonistry!

I am ninety-two years old and this game is by no means an accurate representation of amateur balloonanautics!

If the sun ever smiled at me with a Hitler moustache like that, I would swing around and drill the communist hippie who had the arrogance to inject me with LSD right in the kisser. I didn't fight Nazi super-bears for sixteen years with a dull spoon and Glenn Miller ditties so younguns like you could go around falsifying the the perils of modern balloonistry for the new generation.

Amateur balloonology is a pasttime that is lost on the video game generation and it's because of 'games' such as yours that the membership at the AAB meetings is shriviling faster than my prostate!

First of all, the fuel load on a modern aero-oon lasts much longer than you have purported in your Flash gizmo analog! You can fly all the way from Fresno to Toledo on a single gallon of pentane and a dream!

Second, the Sopwith Camel was decommissioned in 1935.

Thirdly, there are no UFOs in our upper atmosphere. If they meant business, they'd have leveled all thirty-eight states by now as opposed to harassing a zeppelette!

Here I was, thinking I had finally found a suitable balloon simulator when suddenly I am accosted by 'power-ups' and wampum arrows! Back in my day, the only 'power-upping' we needed was a shot of tincture and mouthful of bees!

Bees were invented in 1921, the year of the bee steak! They were served primarily at 'McDougals', which would later go on to be called 'Burger King'. I remember the day when you could get ten bees for a penny! We would stop off after school at the bee store and get a knickel worth of bees, which would be fifty. If you bought a dime worth of bees you would get a complimentary shoe shine from the store's shoeman. More often than not, he would have a rag.

After we ate the bees would would swim across Lake Superior to Old Man Aunty Uncle's cabin to try to get some fresh turnip pie. We'd sneak up to the window sill all quiet, but Aunty Uncle would always catch us stealing her pie. He'd say "Broop blorgl broopz plorp grap!", but we alway knew in our heart that she'd much rather us have his pie than serve it to her twenty-eight cats. We'd eat it under the chestnut tree in the valley behind his cabin.

We all loved that pie as turnips were the sweetest fruit available because of the Great War.

After we ate the pie and were full of turnips, we would swim back across Lake Superior in time for Thursday, which was Whipping Day at the old schoolhouse. None of us liked Whipping Day, which is why we hid in the swamp until Sunday, at which point we went to church... to get whipped.

Now that you mention it, we never did have much of a formal education, but boy, did we love bees!

Miluska responds:

lol .. nice review :)